


You'll get better soon ('cause you have to)

by RensKnight18



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Cancer, Cancer diagnosis, F/M, Hair Braiding, Hair Loss, Hair-pulling, Happy Ending, Modern AU, Pregnancy, Reflection, Rey has ideas, Reylo - Freeform, School memories, baldness, braids and possible pigtails
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-02-23 10:15:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23943220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensKnight18/pseuds/RensKnight18
Summary: When Ben is diagnosed with cancer, he and Rey decide to kick its ass - and have a little fun with his long locks before he loses them.~~~~~As promised, for the wonderful Lucy & all those bravely fighting the big C. Thank you to everyone that donated to such a worthy cause 😘 x
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 6
Kudos: 80
Collections: F@$k Cancer in the Ass (For a Good Cause)





	You'll get better soon ('cause you have to)

**Author's Note:**

> Charity fic for Colorectal Cancer Alliance and @SpaceMinstrels ❤ x

_The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair_   
_In doctor's office lighting, I didn't tell you I was scared_   
_That was the first time we were there_   
_Holy orange bottles, each night, I pray to you_   
_Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too_   
_And I say to you..._   
  
_Ooh-ah_   
_Soon, you'll get better_   
_Ooh-ah_   
_Soon, you'll get better_   
_Ooh-ah_   
_You'll get better soon_   
_'Cause you have to_

_'Soon You'll Get Better' ~ Taylor Swift_

The first moment he’s aware something may be wrong is when his fiancé ceases fondling his balls and dammit _,_ why is she stopping?

‘Now don’t panic, but’ There’s a pause so of course he panics.

‘Always a good way to start a sentence’

‘Sorry’ She’s up beside him now, propping up against the headboard, blowjob unfortunately all but forgotten. ‘But I can feel you panicking already’

‘Can you blame me _?_ What is it? If you don’t want to finish me off, you know you don’t have to‘

‘It’s…not that’

‘Ok _’_

 _‘_ I felt something’

‘Yeah, my balls’ Ben laughs.

‘No. Well, yes but-‘

‘Babe, just tell me’

‘I felt a lump’

A lump.

‘Where?’

‘In your balls. When I was squeezing. Could be nothing, I mean I hope it’s nothing obviously, but may be worth getting checked out’

Ben’s doesn’t even want to dwell on the possibilities, the most obvious one most of all because cancer runs in his family. His grandfather died of cancer, his Dad beat it and now maybe he was the unlucky one next in line?

That’s the first time he’s aware something is wrong.

The second time is the following morning in the shower.

He’s washing the way he normally would, checking for abnormalities, when he feels what Rey was talking about last night. He knows his body well enough to know that the lump she’d mentioned – the one he can now feel with his own fingers - is likely not normal.

He does the checks regularly and this is the first time he’s felt something that stood out. The lump is small but firm, about the size of a small pebble. He tries not to panic, finishing his shower and attempting to focus on his day, but the appointment he’s made for two-days time is constantly playing on his mind.

Rey’s determined to accompany him the day he gets his results. And as much as he doesn’t want her to, she’s adamant she be there to support him, cancer diagnosis or not. She’s already committed her life to him by agreeing to marry him, now she feels it’s her duty to live up to those vows whether she’s made them in a formal setting or not.

The 24 hours leading up to the appointment have been pretty awful. Rey can see he’s dreading what’s to come and as much as she tries to make him feel better saying _it may be nothing_ and _we don’t know for sure_ , it’s clearly not helping.

So when she finds him balled up on the couch close to tears, it’s clear he’s already resigned himself to the worst.

How do you make someone feel better when you don’t know how it’s going to turn out and you’re dreading all the same things they are? Rey’s barely holding it together herself, but she needs to be there for him.

Setting her own fears to the side, she joins her fiancé on the couch.

‘Babe? Please talk to me’

Lifting his head, the tears are clear now.

‘What’s there to say? In an hour my life could change forever’ He reaches for her hand, squeezing it tight. ‘ _Our_ lives could change forever’

She was right. He wasn’t even giving himself a chance.

‘Well just so you know, even though I think you already do, I’m not going anywhere. If our lives change, then they’ll change together because whatever happens I’ll be right here by your side the whole way’

‘Even when I lose my hair?’

It may seem like a small deal to some, but she’s always loved Ben’s hair. In fact it’s the first thing that attracted him to her and he loves it, too. It’s his pride and joy and he takes great care looking after it.

Sure, it’s a trivial thing to most, especially if he’s ultimately diagnosed with cancer, but it’s just another shitty thing they’ll have to deal with.

‘Speaking of, may seem a bit left of field, but remember that bandana you used to wear to school?’

‘You had to remind me of that’ he smiles. The last few days it’s a rare sight to see him smile so she appreciates it even more.

‘Hang on, I’m getting there. Did I ever tell you how hot I thought it was?’

‘No’ He blinks back at her, waiting to hear the whole story.

‘The first day you wore it I thought, wow. _Brave_ ’

‘Meaning you hated it’

‘No’ she laughs. ‘It was just a surprise, that’s all’

‘It was a stupid phase and everyone teased the shit out of me’

‘So? I grew to love it. I saw it in your closet when I was cleaning out the other day. Maybe, and you don’t have to, but if you _do_ end up losing your hair maybe you could go back to wearing it? I’d find it sexy. And to be honest, who gives a shit what other people think?’

‘I guess, but losing my hair babe? Not sure I could cope with that on top of everything else’

Rey completely understands. She knows she’d be devastated if she lost her hair, too. It’s a big deal. Not compared to cancer but still, a big deal.

It’s a part of who you are. A part of your personality.

‘I think you’d look hot bald’ she teases, ruffling his locks, but he ducks away.

‘I’d look shit. For a start I have a massive head and don’t get me started on my ears’

‘Um, _hello_. I love your ears’

‘I know you do’

‘And you _wouldn’t_ look shit, but anyway. How about we stop worrying about what might happen and maybe we could go and find out what’s actually _going to_ happen?’

‘Are we sure we’re ready though?’ His hand is firm on her thigh, eyes still wet with tears.

‘Is anyone ever truly ready?’

True.

And no. No one is ever ready for cancer. Not really.

~~~

Rey wants to lose it right there in the Doctor's office.

Cry, shout, bash the walls - anything to try and digest what she’s just heard.

Ben has cancer.

 _Her Ben_.

Her _soulmate._

And it fucking sucks.

Still, there’s not a thing either of them can do about it now, and thankfully he’d found it early so he had options.

This is the hand they’ve been dealt and as hard as it may be, they’ll do their absolute best to kick it in the ass.

They’d already talked about the possible options earlier, even before the diagnosis and Ben was adamant right from the get-go that he wanted to go through with treatment.

Chemo. Radiation. Whatever it takes.

He's definitely not a quitter and neither is she so together, they'll get through this.

Rey doesn’t bother him in the hours following his diagnosis. He wanders the apartment aimlessly and she tries her best to distract him, but it’s clear he wants to be alone.

‘Think I might go for a walk’

She wants to go, too, make sure he’s ok. Make sure he comes back.

But it’s clear this is something he needs to do for himself, so she lets him go.

‘If you’re not back before dinner I’m calling the police. Just so you know’ she smiles, reassuring hand on his arm at their front door.

‘I’m coming back, babe. Don’t worry’ He kisses her forehead then heads out and Rey closes the door, slumping to the floor.

That’s when everything she’s been holding in finally comes out.

The tears stream and she yells into the void. At what she’s not sure, she just yells and screams at how unfair it is.

Ben hasn’t left. He’s standing outside the door listening to the whole thing.

He hates that she has to go through this too, but he’s tried to put her off and she’s made it’s clear she’s not going anywhere.

In a way he’s grateful because there’s no way he could do this alone. The other part of him hates it. He wants her to leave and live her life. Wants her to be happy and marry someone cancer-free, have kids, all those things normal people do.

Right now he’s feeling so many emotions he doesn’t know what else to do.

He just needs to walk.

~~~

‘I’m just gonna chop it off’

From the look on Rey’s face, she’s not thrilled and he hadn’t expected her to be. But with chemo well underway, he knows he’ll lose his hair anyway so better to get rid of it on his own accord.

She tries to protest and he appreciates it, but despite what she may think, it’s his hair and he wants to get rid of it before he loses it.

~~~

He’s sure it’s the pain that jolts him awake long before he should be. It’s barely 6am and he knows he hasn’t been drinking, so why the hell does his head hurt so much?

Attempting to sit up he realises he can’t because the pain gets worse when he tries. Turning his head as far to the side as he can he realises the pain is caused by a sleeping Rey.

Somehow during the night she’d rolled onto his long hair, essentially pinning him to the bed. He pushes at her side gently to get her to move, but she mumbles something, only settling further into the mattress.

Then he grapples for the extra pillow underneath his head, wrangling it enough to slap her gently on the shoulder. This time she rouses and rolls, thankfully off his hair and he’s a free man again.

Unfortunately she stays asleep but now he’s awake he knows that’ll be it for the morning. It’s just after 5am, way too early to rise on a Saturday, but it beats lying in bed staring at the ceiling.

May as well get up and make a start on breakfast. Maybe watch some Big Bang reruns? It’s the last day before he shaves his head, so he wants it to be as normal as possible.

It’s after 7 before Rey makes her way into the living room, robe wrapped around her waist. Ben’s seated at the dining table, well into his second mug of coffee by this stage, typing away on the laptop.

He’d given up on Big Bang 2 episodes in, pancake batter resting in the fridge while he did online research.

‘Morning! You been awake long? I thought I heard you get up, but I must’ve gone back to sleep’

Rey leans over his shoulder, planting a kiss on his head before lifting the great length of hair he’s recently grown to caress it with her fingers. Her long nails lightly graze his scalp and he shivers at the sensation.

‘I tried not to wake you. I’ve been up for a few hours. Couldn’t sleep’

‘Oh. Fair enough’ She makes her way to the fridge to search for pancake ingredients, spotting the bowl of batter.

‘Already done. I was bored’ Ben laughs, shrugging. 'But I'm not eating. Coffee will do me'

'Nauseous again?'

Just for a change.

'Yeah, but you eat'

‘Ok. I’ll pop the pan on then’

As the pan heats, Rey heads over to give him another kiss, on the lips this time, cradling his beautiful face in her hands. ‘I love you, you know’

‘I know. I love you too’

She wanders back to the kitchen, setting about cooking pancakes and pouring coffee, Ben flipping the laptop lid down.

‘After breakfast can you _please_ cut my hair? I’m shaving it off tomorrow anyway, but I can’t take another day of it this long, it’s driving me crazy. When I woke up this morning I couldn’t move because you were asleep on it’

‘Seriously?’

‘Yes’ he laughs. ‘I had to hit you with a pillow to get you off’

‘Sorry’

‘It’s fine, I just really need it cut’

‘Can’t you just tie it back?’

Ben’s never been a big fan of tying his hair back. When it gets longer he sometimes ties it back for sex, so it doesn’t get it his eyes, but he’s used to having regular haircuts to keep it in check.

Unfortunately lately it’s been growing longer and longer because his wife for some reason refuses to cut it. And he gets it. He doesn’t want it gone either, but the day is coming so he needs her to get used to it.

‘I think you know my thoughts on man buns. They just don’t suit me’

Rey brings a stack of pancakes and maple syrup to the table, along with her cup of coffee, taking a seat next to him. ‘They do though. You look hotter with a man bun than anyone I’ve seen. And when you read, and wear those glasses, _damn babe_. I just wanna jump you right then and there’

‘Wish I’d known that before today’

‘Ok, look. How about after breakfast we try some styles? Then you can find one you like?’

‘Or you could just cut it for me?’ he grins.

‘I can’t’

‘Why?’

‘Because…I have to Skype. With Rose’

‘Can’t you do that later? It takes what, 20 minutes? _Please?_ ’

‘I can’t today. I just don’t have time’

Ben leans back in his seat, arms crossed, eyeing her. ‘20 minutes. That’s all I’m asking’

Still, he can’t seem to win her over. Every time he brings up the subject of a haircut or shaving it off, she seems to avoid it like the plague.

‘Come here’ Rey looks up from her breakfast and he pats his knee. ‘C’mon, I don’t bite’

‘I’m eating’

‘Come. _here_ ’ He pats his knee again and Rey blushes, huffing as she makes her way over to sit on his lap. He wraps his arm tightly around her so she can’t escape. ‘I think I’ve worked out what’s going on’

‘What? Nothing’s going on’

‘You wanna know what I think?’

‘No’ she huffs, ‘but I’m sure you’ll tell me anyway’

‘I think you like my hair long and that’s why every time I bring up a haircut you try and change the subject’

‘No I don’t’

‘You do. If it’s not true, then why not just cut it? I’m shaving it tomorrow, babe. It’s happening whether you like it or not, so less to shave tomorrow if it’s shorter right?’

She turns and runs a hand through his hair now, examining the ends in her fingers. Gathering the strands she pulls it up behind his head, taking the hair tie from her own wrist to form a messy man bun.

‘I like it long though’ She’s pouting now. ‘And you look hot with it tied back’ Her bottom lip comes out and man, it’s so adorable.

Ben wishes he liked man buns and ponytails and could meet her needs, but they just don’t suit him. And they show off his ears, which he also hates.

‘I don’t. It just draws attention to my ears’

‘Well, I love your ears’

‘I know’

‘So…maybe I don’t _want_ to cut your hair’

‘Well, I guess I could do it? Might look shit, but at least it won’t be in my eyes anymore’

‘Please don’t’ She says it quietly, but he can hear how much she hates the idea. ‘Keep it long until tomorrow? I know it has to go, I can’t stop you shaving it and I get it, I just…one more day?’

‘Give me one good reason’

‘Well…’ Rey ponders the reasons and there are _many_ , face screwed up the way Ben likes. ‘There’s sex, for one’

‘Sex’

‘Yeah’ She’s still playing with his hair, tucking loose strands back into the bun. ‘I can tug on it when it’s this long’

‘You’ve never once tugged my hair when we have sex’

He’s no idiot, he’d remember that.

‘I know but…I want to now’

‘You do?’

‘Yes. Tonight. I think we should have sex, you know to celebrate your last hair day and I can tug on it’

She grins and as if he’d ever be able to say no to that. He sighs though, internally frustrated there’s yet another day he’ll have to put up it. Still, it’s been weeks now so he figures one more day won’t hurt.

‘I’ll hold you to that, you know’

‘You won’t have to’ she grins, hopping up to head back to her seat. ‘I won’t forget’

After breakfast when Ben’s retreated to the floor to Netflix and chill – because what else is there to do – Rey’s finally dressed and seated behind him. And soon enough her hands find their way into his hair.

He doesn’t stop her, he just lets it happen. May as well enjoy the attention while his hair is still there. Truth is, he loves this. He’s like a cat, stretching and humming, leaning into it as her hands work at his scalp and trail though his locks.

‘You like that’ she whispers, maybe a little _too close_ to his ear as he sighs once more.

‘I like the feel of your hands on my scalp’

‘Can I braid it _?_ ’

‘Seriously?’

‘I’ll take it straight out. Promise’

‘Fine’ he sighs, secretly loving the attention. ‘Go ahead’

So, she does. And when she’s done, he’s actually rather impressed. ‘Holy shit, babe. Look at this’ Taking a quick photo, she shoves the phone in front of his face, Ben taking it for closer inspection.

She’s done a really good job actually. He’d probably keep it in if he was a woman.

‘Surprisingly nice work’

‘Thanks!’ She removes it now, as promised, straightening the waves out with her hands.

‘Can I put it back up in a bun?’

‘Sure’ At this point he’s willing to let her do whatever she wants if it keeps her happy.

Once it’s back up in a bun Rey stands to offer him her hand. He’s far too heavy for her to pull up, but he understands what she’s asking.

‘Oh my god, wait. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before’

She drops her hands and runs to the end of the hall, pausing to turn back. ‘Wait there. I’ll be right back’

Why is she acting so weird?

It’s a few minutes before she’s back, old school uniform in hand. What on earth is she up to?

‘Stand up’

He gives her a look.

‘Just, trust me. Please? Now c’mon, up’

‘So bossy’ Frowning, Ben stands, arms crossed.

‘Now, take your shirt off’

‘Why?’

‘Ben, just trust me. Strip’

He’s not sure if this is some fantasy of hers he’s suddenly become part of, but he’s too tired to argue. He strips his shirt, then his jeans, standing in his boxer-briefs in the middle of the lounge.

‘Mm. Maybe I should just keep this’ She tucks the dress behind her back, ‘and just admire you half naked instead’

He smiles, rolling his eyes. ‘What are you up to?’

‘Well’ She advances toward him, slowly, biting her lip and cocking her head. ‘I was thinking how hot you’d look in this, but now that I see you like _this_ …’ She drops the uniform on the couch, arms wrapping around his middle. ‘I think I’ll just drag you to bed instead’

‘You were actually gonna try and put that on me?’

‘Well, yes. I was thinking how short it would be. I was thinking pigtails, a bit of thigh peeking out’

‘More than a bit’ Ben laughs. ‘I’d be lucky to get a leg in that thing’

‘ _Ha ha._ Anyway, I see now I should’ve known all along it wouldn’t fit, but don’t worry about that. This idea is much better’

He’s so confused.

‘So, make love to me?’

‘Now?’

Rey nods and Ben follows her to the bedroom. Her top is off by the time he shucks his pants and as he attempts to pull his man bun out, she yells at him to stop.

‘Not yet! Let me do it’

She wants to let it out then that’ll give her something to tug on. _Nice._ And while he’s at it, maybe he should put her in that little uniform and live out one of his _own_ fantasies?

When they’re finally both naked he hoists her up and they frantically kiss their way to the bed, Ben lowering her onto the soft mattress.

Rey tugs him closer for another kiss and his hands work anywhere they can reach, a sense of urgency felt between them both.

Her arms wrap around his neck and slip into his hair and he feels her tug just lightly at his roots, his cock twitching in response against her leg. She groans and does it some more until he’s twitching with need, pre-come dripping onto her skin as she kisses him with force, fingers trailing the shell of his ears.

Rey knows how much that gets him going, but she does it anyway. And maybe that’s the point. She loves to get him all worked up, have him leaking all over her, twitching with the need to be deep, deep inside her.

It’s the only place that feels like home.

She’s eager, hand stroking what she can reach as she shifts as they kiss, manoeuvring her body to try and get his cock at her entrance. Usually he’d help, but the way she’s so frantic trying to get him into position is a real turn on, as if he’s not turned on enough already.

When he reaches down to grab his cock and push through her soaked folds, the tugging on his hair increases. But it’s when she turns her fist in his hair to yank on it, Ben knows she’s finally getting what she wanted.

He’ll endure it for one night – savour the feel of her aggression – but sadly for her, it can’t wait any longer.

His hair will be gone tomorrow, but he’ll still be the same man. Hair is hair, but life is far more important. And cancer or not he’s thankful he gets to spend that life with Rey.

~~~

'Babe, you got a sec?

'Coming!' Rey's hunched over the sink, rinsing dishes before placing them in the dishwasher.

Life is pretty much back to normal these days, with the party a few weeks ago to celebrate Ben's all clear and their surprise wedding now a distant memory.

He's in the study trying to put a crib together and she just knows he needs her help.

She pats her round belly, smiling and making her way to the study. But when she gets there, Ben's not there.

Just an empty study and a half-made crib.

'Ben?'

'In the bathroom!'

That's odd. Entering the bathroom she finds him standing just inside the door, grinning from ear to adorably large ear.

'I wanted to show you something'

'Ok...'

He spins side on and she gasps, hands at her mouth.

'What do you think?'

'What do I...think? Let's see' She stalks closer, caressing the small but perfect bun with her fingers.

They'd endured the bald phase, with the help of her daily pep talks, peak caps and Ben's bandana, and his hair had been growing steadily back since - so much so he now had a proper man bun, however tiny.

Rey's thrilled.

'I think you look hot'

'Thought you might'

'And I also think...you should join me in the bedroom'

His eyes widen now and so does his grin. 'Yeah?'

' _Oh yeah_. Cause baby, I got some tuggin' to do'


End file.
